HOW MANY TIMES MUST I FORGIVE?

             Why does it hurt me very much? Can anyone of us ever ask this question in our life? Mostly we feel hurt but seldom have we questioned why it hurts me.  We cry when we are hurt – tears roll down – at least in our hearts if not in our eyes.  Then, what is next action? No no it’s only reaction.  We react telling that we will show them who we are or else, that we will make them to feel the same pain or at least to the minimum we will have a grudge, or hatred feeling and that person sits into our heart and mind a reason to be disturbed.

When I reflected why it hurts me very much, I realized because there is some relationship involved in that, there is a kind of love and care involved in that. If a person who in no way related to me says something or acts indifferently towards me, I may not act or react or get hurt, because he/she does not know me.  I get hurt when someone whom I know well and trust so much behaves in a different way as though he did not understand you… hu… it hurts me very much.  The Psalmist too affirms that hurt comes only by our close friends or relatives or someone whom we love most.  He laments, “If it were a rival insulting me, I could bear with him, if it were a foe in pursuit of me, I could hide from him.  But it is you, an equal of mine, my bosom friend, my companion whose fellowship I enjoyed as we walked together in the house of God.” (Psalm 55:13-15)  In the relationship it is unavoidable.  Do we remember again what King David cries in the psalms for the bitter hurt by betrayal? "Even my most trusted friend, with whom I shared my food, has lifted his heel against me."  (Psalms 41:9)

It won’t hurt me when you hurt me without knowing about me, but when you know me well and show that you understand me, even a little of your word or deed is enough to make a deep cut into my broken heart.  HOW MANY TIMES? Once, twice, thrice, four times? When you hurt me once it’s by ignorance, when you hurt me for the second time it might have been by mistake but when you hurt me more than three times then it’s either your character or deliberation, whether knowingly or unknowingly.

The unforgiving servant

 How many times can I bear that? Mmmm…. I remember St. Peter.  Among all the Apostles St. Peter was a tough man, a short tempered person, quick to answer and innocent.  “Lord, how many times must I forgive?” was his question.  Just before this the Apostles had a discussion on ‘who is the greatest?’ and Jesus taught them the lesson of humility to become like children and with this question Jesus will be telling him about the parable of unforgiving servant.  In any situation the answer of Jesus is simple, “seventy times seven.”  Not by literal calculations, these numbers are indicating perfection or completion in Hebrew culture.  Even Jesus himself says in Luke’s Gospel, “Be careful. If your brother offends you, rebuke him and if he is sorry, forgive him.  And if he offends you seven times in a day but says to you seven times: ‘I’m sorry,’ forgive him.”

Yes, all these teachings and preachings are nice but when it comes to the matter of practical experience it’s hard to do this.  Then what shall I do, If my love is true, it should not keep the record of wrong (1Cor. 13:6) and “Love overcomes anger and forgets offenses.” (1Cor. 13:5)  I am trying hard for that, but still when my strength fails to do this, to forgive and forget what shall I do?  Just follow what the Psalmist says when he encountered with similar problem, “They return my friendship with slander, and yet I pray for them.” (Psalm 109:4)  Yes, I can do that and moreover Jesus himself gave a strong reason to forgive others, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do!” (Luke 23:34)

 

 

“If you forgive others their wrongs, your Father in heaven will also forgive yours.  If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive you either.”  (Matthew 6:14,15)